the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Randomize
