You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
