its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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