I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
