good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
