best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
