he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
