you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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