I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
