my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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