What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All I want is dick and wine.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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