He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
