i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
