I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
