dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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