You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
