my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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