dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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