Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Drake has all the answers
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
