So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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