Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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