I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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