Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
