Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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