I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
