and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
