well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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