I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
