I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
