i jhust puked up my retainher.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
