He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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