; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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