btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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