I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
