i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
