I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
