I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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