So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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