does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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