wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
