Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
