After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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