Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
