he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
