Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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