Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
me + whiskey = a bad person
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
