i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
