Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
