We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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