cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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