I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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