how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
